I’m not going to lie, today has been tough. Nothing big or bad happened just a shed load of little things; like a snowball just getting bigger and bigger as the day went on. A long list of things that I didn’t want to do but were necessary alongside dealing with other people.
Days like these I prefer to be alone. This is the real world; I rarely get to be alone and it drains me. So today has been an exercise in celebrating the small things; the swans on the river, the sun on my face, holding my daughters hand. An exercise in reminding myself that these are the important things, the thing to give my energy to, even when I feel I have nothing left. To notice, to be aware. And these small things become a big deal.
I’m alone now. It’s quiet. I have a cup of tea. So do I knit, read my new book or simply just go to bed and restore my energy levels?
I’m not much of a ‘joiner’, not one for being on committees and such like…. I’m just not that sociable. I don’t like big groups, I’m socially awkward or inappropriate depending on how you view chortling and doodling through meetings and I don’t like socialising, did I mention that.
Having a kid however changes things … she goes to school that has a PTA and there’s a PTA meeting tonight and I said I’d go. I’d rather be home KNITTING ON MY OWN!! Actually I’d rather be at home licking the bathroom floor clean… but I said I’d go, I want to make a contribution etc blah ….So to make the whole thing more manageable I’ve made brownies… they have nuts in, I don’t care, we’re all adults and I promise not to touch any nut allergists… actually the truth is I completely forgot about nuts until after I’d added them… please no body die.
I’m going to try and convince another mum friend to come with me so I don’t have to walk in on my own and maybe chortle with, yes I’m that immature…
I have to say, these brownies are bleddy ansome (unless you don’t like almonds and rose water) I’ll post the recipe later…. time to pick the girl up…